Scanner

A friend of mine recently watched this show on PBS by Barbara Sher. My friend found that she’s a “scanner” . Which basically explains why she is having a hard time deciding what to be when she grows up. I told her she sounds like me.

I’ve been committed to my little part time job for as long as I have only because they are SO flexible and put up with me. Sometimes I think about starting a business, but as soon as it feels like work my mind is running in the other direction. I get bored in the details. I love scrapbooking. I always balked at the idea of teaching it because then it would take the love out of it for me. Despite all my protests I did eventually teach a class at Michael’s. I hated it. All the rules and regulations just made drudgery of my passion. I guess we can’t all be Oprah.

I think we might have been sold a load of crap with this whole do-what-you-love-and-the-money-will-come notion. That’s like winning the lotto, a long shot. Most of us have to pay a mortgage, bills and eat so we do things we might not be all that amped about so by the time we can give to our passion we’re wiped out. Emotionally, financially and creatively. Maybe the trick is to be happy what we’re doing and not necessarily doing what we’re happy about? I dunno.

This much I know, I love being home when my kids are home. It’s more important to me than driving a new car, than having the latest techno gadget, than having my identity through my career rather than through my family. When my boys come running to me after the school bell rings, it makes up for every sacrifice we’ve made over the years. That is our choice. That is MY choice. Others may choose differently and I respect that choice as I hope they will respect mine. I’m okay being a mom and a fill-in mom (aka preschool aged teacher). I will do it as long as I am able and I continue to be happy.

-e