I Have The Mind of a 4-Year-Old

My 8-year-old son just told me not to wait to go potty.

I was on my way to take care of business when the Critter asked me a question. Being the dutiful mom I am I stopped to answer his inquiry. The Negotiator says to me, "Mom, I thought you were going to the bathroom. You really shouldn't wait until the last minute." Hmm, I wonder where he's heard that before...

Earlier today I was looking for trinkets for the treasure box in my classroom. While I was going though some boxes of donated items I found a box of mints.
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I could not stop laughing.

Being the completely mature adult that I am, I waited for my boss to go take care of his business and then I left the box of mints on his keyboard. Tee hee. I went back to my classroom to wait. And watch. I could barely contain my school-girl giggle. When he got back to his desk I saw him smile so I went to 'fess up. He said he knew it was me.

I suppose my reputation precedes me.

E

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The Butterfly Farm

We went to visit our local butterfly farm for a field trip today. Aside from the fact it raining, humid and I ticked off the owner right from the start it was a great trip. I learned a good deal about butterflies and now have come to not loathe flies. I'm sorry, but even knowing their important function in pollination that's still all the respect I can muster up the fly.

How did I tick off of the proprietors you are wondering? In all fairness she was not happy with our group from the get-go after the bus drove up too close to the farm. Apparently we were supposed to schlep through the muddy road with 100 children and leave the busses at the gate. Oopsey daisy. Then when one of the owners was unloading the lunches, she told me to stop with our wagon and, thinking she was another parent, I didn't. I was a bad, bad chaparone. Then I wouldn't allow the Negotiator to go into their education room because they have 5 cats that use that room as a bedroom. There was cat hair all over the floor, you know, where the kids sit. Since I didn't have an epipen or even a toot of Benadryl, my boy was not going inside to go into anaphylactic shock. Sorry.

In the end I did enjoy the trip, but I would have enjoyed it more on a cooler day. At least I get another shot in two years when the Critter goes on this same trip.

E

My Volunteeritis Is Acting Up Again

Our school carnival is this Saturday. We're getting down to the wire for volunteers, donations, and organizing. I keep thinking that since people aren't helping out that I must. Bad habit.

I have committed to baking dozens of cookies, cupcakes and brownies this week. I will sell tickets, arrange baskets and make phone calls. I will do this in addition to hauling The Negotiator to Cub Scouts, both boys to soccer games at different places, handling all the end of the month accounting at work and maintaining the household.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

E

Buggin' On This

You know, sometimes there are people that bug me. This bothers me. I want to like, be liked and get along with everyone. Sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.

There is one mom who is currently driving me bonkers. What's even more frustrating is that I can't put a finger on why she bothers me so much. She's nice enough. Polite enough. I do feel that she's a little inconsiderate. I know there may be a reason why she seems to be completely oblivious to the people and circumstances around her.

What's more is I love one of her kids. I would love to have my boy play with hers, but I don't because then it would lead to the inevitable mommy talk that has to ensue during playtime. I don't want to talk to her. So I avoid.

I'm just really up front that way.

-E

Children. Wild. Help. Me.

OMG! The my school kids were bonkers today! They wouldn't listen, they were ornery to one another. A few even - gasp! - talked back to me. We all remained calm and collected (but did do petty things out of their view) and knew this too would pass.

It better pass.

I know it's hard to get readjusted after being off a week and then whole time change, but get over it, kid. We all have issues.

Am I not the embodiment of maturity? Is it any wonder I teach 3-years-olds? I seem to have not progressed mentally past that state.

E

Taking A Step Down on The Coolness Ladder

We did it.

We joined the minivan nation. (Is minivan one word or two, see I don't even know this which further proves maybe I'm not the minivan type).

I'm learning to love it, but I'm so panicked about having a new-to-me vehicle. We traded in the Suburban which was dangerously close to expiring on us. The Sienna isn't new, but it's got really low miles and, hell anything would have felt new to us. The payments are manageable and now we have a good, reliable vehicle. Safety first, you know.

I'm sorry, when did we take this detour into suburban hell?

I love my life, but every once in awhile I look around and go whoa! As a child of the 80's I thought I was going to be a corporate woman having power lunches, not play dates. I had visions of Madison Avenue, not Sesame Street.

The boys run to tell anyone who will listen "we got a new minivan!" I don't have the heart to tell them it's not what the cool kids are driving. At the dealership they told Papa they could see about adding some sort of sports upgrade. Yeah, right, he says. It's a minivan.

Still it was really nice to spend a little less than $40 on a fill up as opposed to nearly $100. I'm actually thinking that with gas prices we might be less in the hole than we thought given we now have a car payment. The thought gets me through the night anyway.

E

Daylight Savings, Smalight Savings

I get so frustrated with Daylight Savings time. I'm so glad it's happening during our spring break. My kids (both MY kids and the kids I teach) are absolute monsters when the time changes. I'm hoping my kids at school will get their internal clock reset before we get back to class.

I'm sure moving daylight savings ahead 3 weeks makes sense for other parts of the country, but it's a total PITA.

E

Teacher Talks

We had our conference with The Critter's teacher today. She says he's doing great. From what I can tell at the student-led conference, the teacher is correct. He can maneuver the computers like nobody's business. He's whipping through those math manipulatives. He seems to be inclined towards reading and is already at the 1st grade level.

It's all good with The Critter.

The Negotiator has made great strides. His reading has shown remarkable improvement and he's reading slightly above grade level. Whew! As much as we valued the teacher's input we decided to take our own way of helping The Negotiator along with his reading. We started out with us reading to him from chapter books. He had to understand that all those random letters pulled together to make a word and those words in the correct sequence made a story. Once he made that connection he started challenging himself to read more.

This time we didn't meet formally with The Negotiator's teacher, but she sent home a progress form. He kicking mathematics booty. As I said, reading is rocking (a very special thanks to the Harry Potter books). We are told there still a bit of a disconnect with writing, which isn't about handwriting at all, but rather showing your reading comprehension through writing.

I don't think I'm gonna worry about that one. First he's a boy and the physical part of writing is just too hard for them at this age. Moving the brain, the language arts muscle, the hand for actually writing and bringing them all together in concert is a lot to ask. He'll get there eventually. I know he's comprehending the material because he can answer the questions verbally even if he can't write them down in his allotted time. Writing, in the case of this evaluation is, in my opinion, just another bullshit bench mark that only serves to make parents panic about their kid's progress. Which is exactly what I did, panic that is, when I got the little note. Then after further reflection it occurred to me that he's just like me. My mom was told I should repeat Kindergarten and that I was possibly dyslexic because I kept flipping my letters or some such nonsense. So at The Negotiator's age I couldn't show my comprehension through writing either. Today I can say that I've written for the news media (radio, television and print) for a mid-sized market in addition to the many other written documents I've produced over the years.

He'll be just fine. Trust me, teacher, I didn't turn out half bad.

E